Saturday, September 25, 2010

Cool Change

I've had it with the tears.  And yes, I'm talking about mine.  Just about anything can set me off.  This morning it was a video of dolphins and whales playing in the waves set to Little River Band's "Cool Change" (thank you Angela!):   YouTube Cool Change Video - Little River Band

This afternoon it was a bright-eyed 20-something unloading a velvet-cushioned chair out of a moving truck into her new apartment.  She reminded me of myself  in 1996.  I was overflowing with dreams and drunk with the thought that I was now a California girl.  Over the years some of those dreams were filled, many were not, and some turned out to not really be dreams after all.  And herein lies my problem...I no longer have any dreams. 

I'm lost.

And I didn't just become lost.  I've actually been lost for years. In 2001 I adopted a private mantra of "I Welcome Change."  I had it written on a post-it on my dashboard, I doodled it while I negotiated deals, I mumbled it under my breath,  my screen-saver was "IWC."  I think I was always afraid to admit how unhappy I was making some of Hollywood's biggest blockbuster movies because THAT was supposed to be my dream come true. When I was laid off from that job a year ago I was ecstatic - finally I could re-invent myself and realize some new dreams!  I promptly set off to rescue an insolvent advertising agency.  Armed with a snazzy new title and teamed with 3 new business partners whom I hoped to be the mentors I had always wanted, I was convinced that all my dreams were finally coming true.  Less than a year later we are shuttering the doors of the agency.  My personal reinvention has been a failure of colossal proportions.  Yet another dream in the gutter.  Or was it really a dream at all?

I'm shattered.  I know I need change, but I don't know what kind of change.  Should I leave LA?  Where should I go?  What should I do?  I don't have any answers.  So I'm gearing up for the most crazy thing a never-break-the-rules type-A girl like me has ever done:  on October 16 Yoda and I are taking a 2.5 month road trip. I'm hoping the time alone on the road with my dog will help me tap into some new dreams and make the changes I so desperately need.

"Now that my life is so prearranged, I know that it's time for a cool change."

Thanks Angela, "Cool Change" is now at the top of my road trip playlist.


  1. Hey, road tripper, I'm very excited for you to come see me in Iowa, stay in the American Gothic House and bake pie. You have not failed, everything you've done is simply part of your journey. A new chapter and great adventure awaits you. Love, Beth

  2. Thanks love - I can't wait to stay in the American Gothic House and bake gluten-free pie with you! Think that will sell in Iowa?

  3. "And herein lies my problem...I no longer have any dreams. "

    I can relate.

    It might be a highly evolved state of nonattachment or it could be cynicism and depression. Maybe its BOTH. At least, thats how it feels to me....